≡ Topic: I'm Terrified That I Might Be Alone

I'm Terrified That I Might Be Alone
09.10.2016 by mmchugh510

I just found out I may have Alexithymia and I figured that since no one I've talked to yet can understand how I feel, maybe people who also have trouble describing themselves may understand. I think the bottom line of my problems is that I have too much anxiety to do anything a normal teenager should and too much anxiety to just sit around and wait for death, fearing I'm missing opportunities. I'm basically stuck in a limbo of fear of social interaction and fear of going without social interaction. I do nothing and have no experiences that other teenagers say they have. For example, I have never had a girlfriend, nor asked a girl on a date, I have never had any friends I believed I can explain my feelings to comfortably (hence why I am here), and I have never felt any passion for any type of work like art or architecture or film making. I've been shrugging through my entire life, instead of having social experiences I do things like watch movies, tv shows, and video games to pretend I'm part of their world instead of my own. If I were to be a part of some other world, full of people who are kind without question, then I could resolve my problems and have some kind of motive in life other than to have friends who are as confused as me. Everyone seems to have their own philosophy and passion in life while I just follow what my teachers and family tell me to do. Even though I'm a good student in the A-B range I feel like I'm getting nowhere. Instead, the people with passions like art and engineering are becoming successful.

Whenever I talk to anyone I get excited/nervous. The levels to which I take the "introverted" nature have made me become a wonder to my peers. Whenever I voice my opinion or say anything, my classmates or teammates all are pleasantly surprised that I do in fact have a functioning brain like every other human. The group of friends I have now are all semi-popular, extroverted people. This may give off the impression that I'm some weird nerd-type that sits alone all day playing video games, but this is only semi-true. I'm on the JV soccer team and around my friends I act positive and joke a lot (even though I'm still extremely quiet), focusing on their interests rather than talking about my own. When I come home from school and stop pretending that I'm not hopelessly lonely I spend literally every second of my time doing one of four things: Eating, Sleeping, Playing Video Games, or Homework. The one other thing I may do besides this is try to talk to strangers over the internet that I hope may have the same problems as me. I used websites like omegle to find people with interests and try to connect myself to how they feel about things. No matter what I do, I can't connect to other people and find someone who is as lonely and afraid as me.

I've run out of things to complain about for now, even though I can go a lot deeper than this. I've never in my life told people who aren't strangers this information because I have no friends or family I believe will understand it. I have trouble understanding myself sometimes. All I know is that I feel hopelessly alone.

We're all alone
10.10.2016 by Jute

Firstly everyone is alone, no matter what you do you're always a separate biological entity. You can sleep next to someone, you can have penetrative sex with them but you're both still sepaarte people. Anyway putting that aside, a great many people feel lonely or isolated, particularly during their teens, if they're not part of the rigth social groups or cliques. You do at least play football and you do have friends, so staright away you've got a head start on a whole bunch of otehr people, me included. I don't have any freinds, I've never had any freinds and in fact I don't even understand the concept of the term friend. That's perfectly okay for me, I'm happy to be alone, I choose to be alone. Being alone does not have to equate to being lonely. You are however dissatisfied with your current situation, you seem to year to be more socially interactive but fear the possibility of rejection. Basically only you can provide the solution. It's a matter of priorities, which do you want more? Do you want friends and an active social life, with maybe a girlfriend and an active sex life too? Or do you want to sit at home playing games on a PC and seeking sexual solace from you own right hand? Of course there's the chance of rejection but everybody runs that same risk. The simple fact is that you already do have friends, they are willing to accept you as you are. It doesn't seem to be too much of a stretch of imagination to think that if those friends accept you and even like you, then other people might do too, if you give them the opportunity. You won't meet anyone by playing PC games. As for not really knowing what sort of job you want or what interests you, that's very common. The vast majority of people who go to university pick degrees to study based on their previous exam results, not on a career plan, because most people at that age (and plenty who are even older) don't really know what they want out of life. The fortunate few who do have a career plan, when they're still teenagers, have a headstart on everybody else and they'll probably end up being very successful in their careers. Nevertheless that doesn't mean that you won't suddenly wake up one morning and realise that you want to be a vet, a lawyer or a steam ship captain, when you do then you'll also have the necessary focus to begin to catch up on those early high fliers.

Don't let anyone tell you what you "Should" feel.....
11.10.2016 by DXS

Just a suggestion, but maybe embrace your "aloneness." I have had relationships, but feel most comfortable when I'm "alone." Don't have to compromise.

On the other hand, if you don't like being alone, then that's another story. But if you don't have any opinions on being alone, well, there is nothing wrong with being alone.

I'm 60 and I've never married.... by choice.