≡ Topic: I guess I'll introduce myself.

I guess I'll introduce myself.
15.06.2016 by 11

I'm just a person who found the word while roaming the internet and thought how closely I related to it. So I looked into it a little deeper and found how close to the truth the word was to how I am. I feel like I can comfortably pin point what a person could be feeling, but I don't even consider my own feelings or recognize that I have them at times. If there is something I'm involved in and I'm asked how I feel about it, I just answer with a question "How do you feel about it?". I don't want to describe my feelings beyond the few adjectives I care to use for describing them, I just go with what the majority wants because I get to avoid explaining myself and figuring out how I feel. I try to understand my friend's emotional needs because I have an obligation as there friend, but I fail miserably. Whenever a friend of mine is sad or upset I just ask what is wrong and listen. I end up "feeling out of place" as I would describe it, I feel weird all over and I just want it to be over, I get this feeling when I am "cornered into explaining my feelings" too. I don't like having to deal with emotions and I do my best to keep up with everyone and when the weekend hits, I become a recluse and avoid contact with others hoping I don't have to deal with the pressure. I am also in an intimate relationship (A bad idea in hindsight) and I have done terribly at maintaining it and making it healthy. I treat her like I do any other random I have regular contact with, I talk to her when I see her and when I don't see her I just act like she (or any other person I know) doesn't exist and hope that know one calls me unless it's to play a video game. I don't even know why she still bothers with me, I feel kind of bad about it. I probably talked about more than was needed, but I don't care, I have know one else I feel comfortable venting to that will understand my situation. So why not just type my experience for the digital realm to see and examine?

Maybe I'll post some more. I don't know, I guess I have nothing to post beyond this intro. But who knows?

Thanks!
16.06.2016 by gihi

Thank you for sharing your story! I think it is the most important thing to start with. I relate to so many thing you said. I have had one more serious relationship and it felt exactly like what you described. I don't really miss people and I don't often really care for them on an emotional level. It is very hard because in someway I care a lot but at the same time I feel desperately empty..

I have begun to challenge myself and try to name, express and feel my emotions. It is hard, frustrating and slow, but I feel that these emotions are in me but just locked up somewhere and I need to work to release them. But in the last half a year I think I have made tremendous improvement from my starting level!

So if you have a feeling that you would like to explore what this alexithymia is in you and are interested to maybe become a little more aware of your emotions in the future please ask anything and I am glad to share more of my experience.

I appreciate the reply post.
17.06.2016 by 11

Thank you for the reply post. I don't usually like to vent things like this and I end up feeling awkward and very cringy after putting stuff like that on the internet. I feel like that more so if I have to vent to someone in real life. I would also like to thank you for making me feel welcome. I do have one question though, did you see some sort of clinician for a diagnoses? I haven't done this yet but from what I read I feel like I just can't ignore it, it's too frustrating and hard for me to live life feeling blind and alone from everyone on a level that is supposedly important for forming strong relationships. So any advice on the subject will really help. Some advice on how to approach family members on the subject would also help me out greatly. Thanks!