21.04.2016 by Prsma
Hi all,
I posted on here a while back but haven't really posted much since.
Anyway everything has blown up today and I didn't know where else to come for advice.
Basically I've been battling myself and the lack of emotion, empathy and everything else attached. A while back now I tried to find emotion in myself and I took to dating sites to see if I felt anything despite being in a relationship with a child. I didn't use it for any other purpose, I didn't meet up with anyone or exchange any messages, I literally just browsed around to see if I felt anything. This failed.
Moving forward the inevitable happened, she found the emails linking to the sites and everything went crazy. At this point she already knew about Alexithymia as she was the one who found out about it and told me it's me to a tee! At that time I did not tell her the real reason for me going on these sites as I did not want her to think I wasn't in love with her or have feelings for our son at birth and so on. What I did instead was told her I was getting fed up of our constant arguing and in a moment of madness decided to go on these sites. Somehow we sorted it out and go back on track, be it now partially damaged.
Between then and now there has been a lot of ups and downs, mostly because of me and not showing any love, care, emotion and the rest of it to her, this has made things tough ever since.
Skip forward to now, at my work we recently had the addition of 3 new staff, 2 girls and 1 guy. One of the girls I became close with but strictly as friends, we talk a lot about anything and everything but because I didn't want the hassle of my partner getting angry and suspicious I delete the messages between myself and my co-worker (very stupid looking back at it I know). Now with the recent IOS update my iPhone messages started syncing with my iPad and my partner saw the messages between us. There was nothing bad there but there was a few messages that if you didn't know the friendship would look suspicious.
With all of the other issues in the past my partner went absolutely ape and has told me that we are done that the co-worker is a home wrecker thinking that there is actually something going on. I've stupidly told my co-worker about what's just happened and now I've lost both my fiancee and my friend!
I don't even know what to think, do or say at the moment and this is probably just me rambling on, but I didn't know what else to do. I thought the best place to find some help would be other people with the same traits as me that may have experienced a similar issue or even just be able to give some friendly advice!
Anyway, for anyone that has read this thanks for taking the time to go through it and anyone that does reply, thank you in advance!