≡ Topic: Sometimes questions are hard to answer

Sometimes questions are hard to answer
19.04.2016 by Kiwi

Whenever someone asks me a simple question like "how was your day?" or "are you okay?" I always reply with "I don't know" then they get mad at me. Honestly I don't know how I feel. When I was younger some family members died and I just couldn't bring myself to cry. I knew that I would miss them but all of the thoughts that were running through my head were "well they're gone forever, can't do anything about it".I was always forced to cry or else I would get weird looks from people. I felt like if I didn't cry then they wouldn't question if I actually liked that person of if I felt sympathetic. Back to the questions part, um I would just think about how I would feel, way to hard. Then I would usually bring myself to the point to were I start crying but I don't feel sad. I question myself if I feel happy or if I'm sad or angry but none of those emotions come across my mind. Then the person who asked me the question would grow impatient so I would just reply with a simple "I'm happy" or "My day was great, what about yours?" When I knew that I didn't have any emotion to say outloud. I know that I have feelings I just can't find the right words to say to express them to other people. Simple things like that make me so upset with myself and I just overthink things and hate myself because I just want to say my emotions regularly and not think so much on how I feel. It triggers me to start crying even though I know I'm not sad I'm just confused at everything that goes on in my mind.

I always mess with them.....
19.04.2016 by DXS

I hate being asked this question. When people do this, I always go into a long diatribe about this problem or that problem..... well, they never ask again......

The question is basically rhetorical, they don't really want an answer....... I hate that, waste of time.

Different species
14.05.2016 by CV

In my opinion, just stop faking it. If others don't like it, they don't like it. They can't fault your honesty, at least.
I am currently a research subject in a comprehensive autism neurological study, and the more I have the severity of my autism examined, the more I learn the value of "owning it," in the vernacular.
I am beginning to refuse to answer emotionally based questions dishonestly. I will not respond with "good," "great," as accepted, or even "fine." I am not any of those things. What I generally am is "average," or "neutral." And that is what I say.
I'm finding that behaving in the ways you describe only causes me troubles - if gives a false representation of me, encourages people to develop inaccurate expectations, and garners hostility from them when I am found to be different, as if I tricked them on purpose. Ultimately I believe I, and those who deal with me, would be better off with a more honest approach.

Good approach.
14.05.2016 by DXS

CV, I think what you are doing is a good approach.

I hate it when those questions are asked in a "making conversation" way. If you can't say something profound, then don't just say "making conversation" stuff.

Small talk
15.05.2016 by CV

@ DXS - often this kind of question is included in "small talk," which is a notorious area of autistic misinterpretation.
I often really don't understand the purpose of this kind of conversation, as it seems to have no utility but to provide emotional comfort for neurotypical peoples and make me uneasy. The counsellor argued that people need this pointless prattle in order to avoid committing some kind of social faux pas and "over share" with someone who doesn't care, but I argued that is no excuse. There must be a middle ground - one is able to engage in a conversation with interest and purpose without revealing too much personal information, especially dependent on context. What is wrong with, for example, approaching someone at a photography class you are attending and discussing equipment, software, styles, subject, etc which is actually relevant, instead of engaging in pointless noise, such as asking about feelings or families or children.
/ rant, sorry.

Loved your rant!
16.05.2016 by DXS

I DESPISE small talk. It's pointless. In fact, when I call a credit card co about an issue, I HATE the "how are you today" crap because THEY DON'T CARE! I just say, "I want to get to the point....."