Topic: I really need help

I really don't do this type of thing but I really losing it this time. Everything is falling apart and its all my fault. I can't support my family, my friends and its causing some very disturbing physical symptoms.

My closest relationships have been burned due to my lack of emotional capacity. And on top of this nobody gets what Alexithymia is about and how it affects me personally.

Its lead to severe depression before to the point of suicidal thoughts and everything was getting better. Am I fooling myself by thinking I can pull through this?

I can't do this anymore. And here I am locked in my room with severe stomach pains because everything collapsed further tonight.

To clarify I am not suicidal at the moment I'm just in a rut.

Its one of those times that I just want some recognition but its never going to happen.

Why am I even writing this.

This is pointless.

I'm sorry for this post.