Topic: professional diagnosis

I identified the problem months ago. As i failed relationships in the past, hurted friends/family and at this point of my life, i feel alone, confused and upset with myself because all of this is my fault or because of the phsycosomatic struggle. I appreciate the people who manage this page , who help us.
Some friends told me that this "illness" is easy to "heal" but, honesly, i do my best but this doesn't get better.
I'm desperate, i ask,i beg for help.

Hi Sarato,
Welcome to the forum. I think we all feel embarrassed and despaired at times. The truth is that we have been living with this for a long time and only now we are eager to be healed from it. I do believe that serious improvement is possible, see e.g. Forum > Deutsches Alexithymie Forum > Betroffene und Angehörige > Pupertät in 24 Stunden.
But it is a process which takes time. The good news is that you already started the process, by realising that you are upset and by joining this forum.
I seem to be getting my feelings back, but this only creates confusion and despair as I haven't learned how to deal with them...

Here are two things which helped me a lot:
1) Do not think in black and white: You only have some symptoms and it is not like all other people are normal and you are not. Many people have difficulties identifying their feelings and that of others. To the point of failing relationships? Evidently!
2) I only realised that I am not responsible for my alexithymia when I learned that my mother was unable to show her affection to me, because of things which happened during the war. This is not something I created during adolescence, but something which has its roots before I was born. I do not believe you are responsible for being alexi.

I wish you a lot of courage, which I am sure you have!

My girlfriend and I were together for seven months before she broke up with me, I mean it wasnt a perfect relationship but it was my longest one and I thought it was going well. She said I just didn't feel as intensely about her as she did with me and I didn't even try to argue that because I think she's right. When she told me my only response was "ok". Then I proceeded to go through my things getting rid of anything relating to her because that seemed to be the rational thing to do. When my sister found out she seemed more upset then me and said sorry and I didn't know why she was sorry or why she was so upset. I asked her why and she said that it was such a long term relationship and that I should be more affected by it ending. I told her my stomach hurt after she broke up with me and she told me that was what sadness felt like. I find that happening a lot my body reacts to emotional things but i don't mentally process it. Like, later that day I was watching t.v when I felt my face get wet and I realized it was tears which was weird for me because I hardly cry, it's probably every few years that I cry. I just felt that whole experience wasn't important.