Topic: Am I crazy

Unfortunately Alexi is a personality trait and therefore it cannot be cured or gotten rid of. :(

Sam I have taken the test as well and scored 173. This means that if affects mostly every aspect of my daily life. But there are ways that can help you deal with this trait.

I found that writing poems can really help. Reading works just as well. Ive done both for years and it still works. to this day Ive written over 1,000 poems. try these out and see if they work.

Omg Samantha, you described what I go through to a t. My marriage is breaking apart because of this. My husband is always telling me that I don't care, I am unable to love, and that I am incredibly selfish and a bad person. We have just had yet another huge fight to where I cannot tell him what i am feeling. I am unable to have a conversation without coming across as selfish and childish. I try so hard to talk differently so I can actually let him know I care, but he doesn't even believe me. Nothing I say changes anything. I'm afraid he's had enough and I'm just waiting for him to tell me to leave. I cannot formulate what I need to say until later on after things have blown up and I can usually get it out on paper what I want to say. By then it's too late and now he won't even speak to me. He tells me he doesn't want to hear another word about it but then gets mad at me for not coming to talk things out. It always ends up in a fight, but I can't read his mind. I am at a loss, I don't know how to fix it. Now I've ruined my marriage

Sam I have taken the test as well and scored 173.

I think the test is designed so that 173 is the top score. I did a "dummy take" where I answered either extremely positive or extremely negative (depending how the question was worded) and got the 173.

Although I do not have Alexi I have survived the death of my son by suicide. Since you are experiencing difficulties in feeling and responding to others please do not assume that your family and friends would rather have you gone, I just do not believe that is true. I volunteer in a survivors group and everyone would do anything to have changed the outcome if there had been an opportunity. Please convey your suicidal thoughts to your family or your doctor. I know the anguish you feel is an emotion even if you don't understand it but please, please do not take your life. Try some of the suggestions from the site and don't give up.

Please convey your suicidal thoughts to your family or your doctor.
I think, one of the main problems with alexithymia is inability to talk someone or sharing opinions. See this page: http://alexithymia.us/forum_Turning+off+my+emotions.html?topicid=534&pageid=
In my opinion, all people think about themselves and they are not eager to learn something about others. You can ask what about your family...Well...Actually they care me and they may want to know about me but they so exaggerate that I am not able to handle with that much reaction.
I also understand that whether positive or negative, I am not able to handle with the situation in which people show great reponse.

You just have to get your family to understand. Mine didn't. I just got called stupid, dumb, crazy, and idiotic.

My mom thought EVERYONE feels "X" (meaning, whatever SHE feels....) at whatever situation. My feelings or lack of feelings when she thought I SHOULD have feelings was something she couldn't handle.

Whenever I went to summer camp as a child, I NEVER missed my family and I didn't want to go home.....

All,
I took an imagination test on an Aspergers site, and it recommended I take an Alexithymia test on this site. I scored 170, so I retook the test the next day too make sure my score wasn't the result of bad typing; I scored 173. Just to be safe I took the test again that night; scored 171. I put my cursor over the tail end of the score marker and it said 185. There seemed to be a question on this forum about the meaning of the test scores; I'm going with 171/185 for my last score.

Dave

Samantha,
I kinda have an answer for you; you probably can't change (trying to change is probably just creating new problems for yourself). You said there are people who are nasty to you just because you are acting like yourself; maybe they are just nasty people. If you change for these people, then they still might be nasty. In any case, these people aren't putting any effort into relating to you, so don't feel like this is now your responsibility. Somebody on this forum recommended poetry; their way of finding peace, but I think the message is that you need to find things that bring you happiness instead of trying to find ways to make others happy (it's not your responsibility).

Dave

Don't give up. I was once told something that made very good sense. I quote " Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem". At least in most cases. And I firmly believe this to be true. You need to reach out for help and not just in an anonymous place like this where there are no professionals to assist you. You do not seem like a person who wants to give up. You seem to want something better. And sometimes the first step is the worst and hardest. The break up of a marriage can be devastating but it is BY NO MEANS THE END OF YOUR WORLD OR LIFE.

You were able to find happiness and love once and you can do it again. I know its been a couple years since you posted but I hope your still out there living and trying. Drop us a hello or respond if your able. Id like to know how your doing and how you feel. As far as im concerned you express yourself much better then my significant other and maybe Dark159ish is on to something. You seem able to express yourself well in writing. Maybe that is a partial solution to your problem. Try writing out your feelings and emotions to others and letting them know that's what you need to do when your confronted and in a situation that requires you to express yourself. Good luck keep living and loving and being loved.

P.S. I have thought about suicide as an answer and I decided before I did that I would first move to a tropical paradise and live on a beach before killing myself. It would be hard for me to leave and just disappear but it would be better then permanently leaving through suicide. Just go to wherever makes you happiest. A different country, a different climate...your happy place. You can kill yourself anytime and its permanent. Forever. And you can do it anywhere but first try doing ANYTHING and EVERYTHING possible to put it off and find happiness or at least a sense of peace within. I love you as a fellow sufferer and send you my love, thoughts, and well wishes on this journey of yours.