Topic: No feelings

English Alexithymia Forum > Personal Experience

No feelings
28.09.2014 by wilsoni91

I am new to the board and in recent years I have been trying to figure myself out when i stumbled on this site. Let me start from the beginning. I always knew I was different from others when things would happen that caused others to be emotional but it never phased me. I have always been able to keep my composure no matter what would happen. Fast forward a few years later I joined the army and went to my first war. The first person I ended up killing in battle I never got that bleeding heart feeling. The only feeling that I got was when I was trying to find cover from the bullets. I spent a few more years going to conflict to conflict taken more lives that I want to think of and to this day I can remember their faces but I never lost a night sleep over it. Once I got out of the army I became a cop. Now I can go to a scene were people are crying and bleeding and whatever and it doesn't even phase me because I could really careless other then to do my job. I once thought I had what they call the warrior gene but at this point I don't know what it could be.

You sound just fine.
14.09.2016 by Dave

wilsoni91,
I've heard of the warrior gene; it causes aggressive behavior in psychopaths - something you are not exhibiting in your post. You killed people as part of your job as a soldier; presumably to protect the citizens of the US. To do your job as a police officer you have to keep yourself detached from the mayhem around you; you do that. I.E., you are a functioning part of society. 10% of the population has Alexithymia; don't let it bother you that you are one of us.

Dave

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