19.07.2014 by georgia666
About ten minutes ago found this forum and am so relieved to finally have a name for this, I used to think I was maybe a little bit autistic or something. I have been reading other people's posts and relate to many of them, but one I haven't come across yet is a feeling i have had maybe less than five times in my life.
So my dad died when I was 2, and i think both my alexithymia and this particular emotion are related to that, that I wasnt capable of expressing how i felt, but old enough to understand it. Sometimes I will get this emotion (lasts about twenty seconds) that feels like a lot of different types of sadness combined, where i'll be doing something totally trivial, and suddenly out of nowhere feel so overwhelmingly alone and down and really really miss my mum, even if she's just sitting downstairs and i spoke to her five minutes ago, and like i just want to be with her, but even if i was it wouldnt be enough. It's not just sadness though, it's bizarre, enough for me to stop and notice that it's something I dont often feel, but I recognise it from the last time i felt it. I don't remember the first time it happened, I suspect it may have happened when my dad actually died. Maybe that's what everyone else feels when they grieve. I have no idea. It's very different to normal sadness, I enjoy being sad and feeling sorry for myself, but when this happens to me I really want it to go away.
I'm having trouble properly explaining this, but I would be interested to know if anyone else has had this, because it feels kind of exclusive to me, like something nobody else could experience.