Topic: Faking it

I also tend to be the ones best able to help my friends in emotional situations... But I think this might be because I don't let emotions get in the way and I've been "taught" how to feel in circumstances.

Is this the same for anyone else?

I also love talking about peoples emotions because it helps me gauge how I'm meant to feel...

I feel the same way.
I am always giving advice to my friends about stuff that I have no experience with but I don't know where I get it from. I am beginning to think that it is something that I have been "taught." When I was younger I would always play dumb as a way to get attention and I would always fake my emotions no matter what they were. I think that over time I learned how to put on an act to fool myself into thinking there wasn't anything wrong with me. As I grew up, I realized how much I was embarrassing myself by acting stupid but since it was the only way I knew how to socialize I literally just stopped socializing all together, which made everything worse. Most people just think I'm shy, but it actually feels physically impossible for me to talk to people I don't know, let alone express my emotions. I have been struggling with this for years and it was too hard for me to talk to anyone about so I have been holding it all in. Because of this, sometimes I get extremely frustrated and angry for no reason, but I don't know how to deal with that emotion and I never understand why I am so upset. It feels good to finally have a name for what is going on inside me and it feels even better to know that I'm not alone.

@Gen - I am very much the same way. People come to me with tumultuous messy situations and I dissect it for them cleanly. Though I have been told that I sometimes seem very manipulative with my advice, but emotions were always something I faked to fit in with the kewl kidz better, so to be honest, it is manipulative as well as self-preservational. To me it is like the plot of a movie. X person is motivated by Y, Z person is motivated by A, connect the dots, easy peasy! Yet, I have never been able to do the same for myself, and didn't understand why until recently. When others tell me what they feel, the course of action is obvious and rarely has dramatic and muddled as they make it seem, at least to me ... yet when I find myself in similar emotionally charged situations, I find I have no X and Y to connect the dots from.

(151 on the test)

I know exactly what you mean to my friends i'm the same way i'm the great listener!!!

so don't worry i scored a 164 on the test and if you ever met me in public you would never be able to tell...
i have always been known as the clown to my friends and loved ones, but over the years i have learned to
act as if nothing is wrong... i have learned how to react to just about every situation so... i understand what
you are going through! but yeah just thought you should know your not alone!

I have found my people! I'm the bubbly, social, impulsive brat. What jars my image is that I "love" to read: it helps me figure out and plan a response. when I haven't planned an "appropriate" response, I tend to come off as cold, selfish, and manipulative, especially with relationships. My friends don't even bother asking me about guys anyway. Bright side: I'm a good motivator ("don't worry, you're cute. I don't hang with ugly people" ; "you'll do great, because I said so and I'm always right")! Ironically, people think me nice.

Okay so, I scored pretty high on the test so I guess I have alexithymia. My problem is, I fake everything. Of course I have reasons I mean I wasn't always like this so I remember what it feels like to have feeling/emotion. With new things of course that doesn't come as easy but I just feel as though I can only fake it to a certain point. I can say "I love you" or "I care about you" but it doesn't mean anything to me. Lately I have become obsessed with trying to regain the feeling that makes you cry and just can't find it anymore. Also when trying to feel empathy or sadness I get angry at myself because I still don't care. I want to feel and just can't, it's a horrible way to love and I don't understand why anybody would want this. I mean, will I ever even enjoy sex or comprehend those types of situations? As of now I just don't say no and try to follow how I think the other person feels without success.

Also I have a lot of problems sleeping, could that have any type of connection with alexithymia?
Or my horrible headaches?

I also have a major twitching problem that makes me think as though all my emotions just get released through horrific twitches on a daily basis. And trust me it's no fun.

I understand the giving advice part. People always say I'm good at giving advice. But it's only because I can solve a problem logically, without emotion getting in the way.
I tend to only feel very strong emotions also, everyone has always described me as 'bottling' my emotions, waiting until it's all built up too much and then BOOM! I explode.
I tend to fall in love quite easily, but I'm not sure if it is love or if I just like them, if that makes sense?!

This feels so weird. Finding out I'm not the only one.

I understand the giving advice part. People always say I'm good at giving advice. But it's only because I can solve a problem logically, without emotion getting in the way.
I tend to only feel very strong emotions also, everyone has always described me as 'bottling' my emotions, waiting until it's all built up too much and then BOOM! I explode.
I tend to fall in love quite easily, but I'm not sure if it is love or if I just like them, if that makes sense?!

This feels so weird. Finding out I'm not the only one.

I understand the giving advice part. People always say I'm good at giving advice. But it's only because I can solve a problem logically, without emotion getting in the way.
I tend to only feel very strong emotions also, everyone has always described me as 'bottling' my emotions, waiting until it's all built up too much and then BOOM! I explode.
I tend to fall in love quite easily, but I'm not sure if it is love or if I just like them, if that makes sense?!

This feels so weird. Finding out I'm not the only one.

An interesting thread. Yes, I can agree with a lot of what people have said - I also feel emotions really strongly, often have difficulty expressing what the actual emotion is, and often act in a manner that it inappropriate driven by these emotions. I can remember as a teenager I was allowed to drive a 1925 Austin 7 car. The owner was a school friend who doted on this vintage car and when i began driving it I started laughing - absolute, uncontrollable, hysterical laughter and I have no idea why. Needless to say the friendship dissolved rapidly and I was never offered a drive again.

I have learnt that humor is probably the best way to deal with uncomfortable situations. I have always been terrified of what people would think of me so initially I stayed silent, which didn't help to make friendships. I was exceedingly shy and found it very difficult to talk with others. However, after a while I found I was able to crack a joke in situations which would otherwise have been tense. This became my salvation as it prevented me from having to actually answer a question seriously. It also meant that I was remembered as someone who was funny rather than someone who was shy, and funny was OK for people to remember me as; far better than most other things I thought they would remember about me.

More recently I can now accept me for who I am. I still often break the tension of a situation by making a joke but now I then say what i need to say and have little concern about what people think of me. This, I find, is far more relaxing and contrary to what I thought years ago, I find people now include me in discussions because they value my input. Of course, maybe the grey hair helps too - lol. Remember that what others think of you is none of your business.

I think it is always easier to view other people's challenges more easily than your own, possibly because we are not so emotionally involved with theirs as we are with ours. We can view others problems dispassionately, which means that we have some emotional attachment to our own problems - I guess this mean we feel the emotions of these. The other aspect of this is that we are always ready with an excuse for every 'solution' we propose for our own problems, while those of others elicit no such emotional response so, to us, are more easily clarified and solved. We are, indeed, often our own worst enemies.

Incidentally, I have noticed several people comment on twitching of limbs. This may be nothing to do with Alexi, or maybe it is. It can be caused by a magnesium deficiency which can be remedied by supplementation with magnesium tablets. Often magnesium is included with calcium tablets usually in the ratio of 2x calcium to 1x magnesium. Our bodies need it in the reverse ratio so a far better supplement is 2x magnesium to 1x calcium. I take one capsule before bed each evening because magnesium also helps you to sleep. I wonder if a magnesium deficiency helps drive Alexi?

I have a lot of problems lately but after reading about this condition and taking the test it seems that they're all boiling down to it.
It's the same with me - I'm a great listener and can really be absorbed in another's life situation but it is only during the conversation I have with the person that I feel the urge to help.
At my workplace I seem distant, do not talk a lot, do not have many friends but most people perceive me as quiet and quite nice.
In my former marriage I was often accused by my husband to be distant, non-responsive, manipulative, that I don't love him. During fights with him, I would close down - like a shutdown to my reasoning processes as well as emotions would occur when he accused me of different things. This scared me. Now I finally know what was going on and hopefully knowing will help regaining the feelings back.
I cannot say I can't feel anything but it is true that my emotional range is scarce - I am either happy, sad (crying), angry (furious), or just blank (and reasoning all the time on the inside while being like that - thinking something or other thorougly).
The other day I told to my therapist that I can't make out what I'm actually feeling when some "threatening" situation is occurin - and that it takes me a few days to figure my real feelings. Thus, I cannot react properly at the time the event is happening and usually take many blows from the same person before I actually react- And then the reaction is an eruption of rage.
That's how it goes with me. Hope it will get better 'cause I'm quite fed up with it.

Hi there Gen,
I know how you feel, people come to me with problems, some with problems that I've never experienced or even understand, I don't really know how to help them or I really don't care as heartless as that may sound, I fake emotions and they believe it, I say I care and they think it's true, I've come to the point that when my friends cry about their problems I cry too just so they think I really feel bad and that I care, but no matter what I do I end up saying what I think and most of the time what I say is mean and heartless but people still say it helps and that I'm a good listener, I don't know why people think I'm a good listener and that I can help them when I can't even help myself with my problems. I give advice but can't even follow it myself.

I can relate to all of you. I faked my childhood, I faked all my romantic relationships. The only time I'm "real" is when I'm NOT in a romantic relationship, but even then, there is still some "Faking." The "Faking" is more with my family. I have to pretend I'm this "other" person.