Topic: Love?

It's hard for me to genuinely appreciate what I have in terms of a relationship.

My reaction to her telling me she'd accept it was that I felt like I was a worse alternative to what she could have emotionally.

Hi Chad,
I am just new to this site and I am the girlfriend of a guy who I am now 99 percent sure has this. Its a turbulent ride but I'm hoping I can get some help with people who are dealing with this. Maybe we can help each other. Feel free to message me.

Hi guys,

I've been dating a wonderfull lady for a few months but is has been up and down as she also suffers from this and with that she is INTJ...

Well I'm willing to help her through this as I would like to spend my life with her, I just need to know if there are any ways to work at getting her to the point of feeling emotion as she is basically emotionally dead at this point in time.

I wish this place was more active...
The reason it's not more active is because most people here have the same general issues, which are problems expressing and a lack of interest, due to a lack of being able to actually feel interest. It's kind of hard to have an active community when the community if full of people who can't adequately express themselves, or lose interest easily, lol.

My reaction to her telling me she'd accept it was that I felt like I was a worse alternative to what she could have emotionally.
Tell her that, man. Ask her if she's really OK with someone who isn't really emotionally available, and try your best to explain how you're not available. Like, tell her how you feel about your relationship, that it's just kind of a thing to you.

Well I'm willing to help her through this as I would like to spend my life with her, I just need to know if there are any ways to work at getting her to the point of feeling emotion as she is basically emotionally dead at this point in time.
If she's really has Alexithymia, there isn't much you can do to help. It's not like an illness with a cure, it's just the way we are. You can hug her a lot. Hugs, while not a cure, have been the only thing proven to somewhat lessen the effects of Alexi. As for whether or not she's emotionally dead, ask her. Ask her to try her best to genuinely tell you how she feels on any given day, and in situations where a normal person would be angry, happy, sad, or whatever.

I completely understand..... I seem to drift through close relationships like an iceberg..... almost completely detached emotionally and only getting fired up about small stuff like always having to do the bloody washing up ( can you hear the teeth grinding??). Eventually I am abandoned because the other person didn't get what they wanted. Ah well.

When asked emotion based questions my brain just goes to screen saver.... and then when pushed I get angry about just wanting to be left alone. What do I want? What would I like? Where would I like to go? What do I want to eat ? Would I like an ice cream ?......... Every demand will cause my mouth to heal up.

Things go wrong in front on me and I simply observe them over the years, and after the events, I realise that I've done some very stupid and dangerous things not realising at the time how much danger I was in or what was at stake.

Utterly blank, empty, voided.

And the wry smile ?? The quiet irony of a forum for people who have difficulty talking about emotional problems. That said, it is good to see everyone here.

I'm a newbie. A lot of good stuff right there. This is such a crazy trait to endure. It was a strange realization for me three years ago when I discovered that I really had no idea who I was because of this. Although I spent most/nearly all my life understanding others. The positive side to me is how rare we are. I hope all of you dealing with alexithymia get joy from it in some way because as we know, it's here for the long haul. Good luck to all of you and I look forward to getting to know some of you, as well as giving and receiving support.

I'm new here and don't really expect a reply, but I need to, be my, I suppose.
I don't have anyone who understands this condition, or what I feel. (I don't even know!) I told my boyfriend about it and he said "that explains why you're emotionally dead" and he broke up with me. My parents ignore it, which is fine I guess, and my friends don't know about it. I just wish I had reassurance that I'm normal...

Septimus1306:
I read your post and realized there really is someone out there who feels the same as I do...I think. ;-)

I only figured this thing out last week. It took me until today to visit the Forum because I didn't expect to find any other posts here.

NoticeMe:
My 3rd wife moved out seven months ago. I found out yesterday that it was actually hard for her to do. Who knew? I thought I was the only one who suffered from the split. When I realized I have this issue last week and explained to her that I was insensitive to her because I thought she didn't care at all, she muttered something about it being even easier to let go now that she understood things would likely not change.

Don't worry, you're as normal as the rest of us here. ;-)

Dont worry, its hard to find an Alexi person in real life as they tend to cover it up, I guess we ARE normal for who we are, I cant even stop faking a smile and pretend to laugh. I guess it has become my "normal" routine