Topic: Fake It So You Don't Lose Them?

i thought i'm alone. I really don't feel anything towards my friends or towards anyone. I just say whatever comes out into my mind but not carelessly. I also receive the same comments like "slow down, that's rude, etc" but really i don't feel the same way. I just smile and retort "okay i understand" which is not true. I think that, what i feel is right since the world itself is cruel. I've been with the same circle of people for 3 but I don't even consider them friends, i feel like, they're all fake and actually doesn't give a damn about me, that they're sticking with me because i have money or something they need, overall I feel like I'm just a tool for them.

the only thing that so sure about is that I do really care for my self. for my future, salvation and everything. So far, I only feel so close to GOD and no one else. Like I only care, for what please him. I care for my parents because GOD said so. Pity, give etc.. I hold unto him. Movies can make me cry and make me feel something sometimes but most of the time i feel numb. I really don't like interacting with people.

I'm talking too much so bye. -_-

When I was younger I used to fake feelings and react to things the way I thought I should have reacted to them, but as I got older I just stopped caring to do so. That's just not me, and I'm not going to pretend it is to appease people. Alexi might not be a mental-illness, but there's still no changing it, I'm the guy who doesn't really react, we're the people who don't really react, and that's all there is to it. If you've got friends or family who don't understand that, try to educate them, try your absolute best to explain it, tell them to read about it, something. If you've got friends or family who just can't/refuse to accept it, cut them out of your life. It's bad enough you don't really feel emotion, you don't need anyone actually making you feel bad.

I was 12 when I lost my dad suddenly. I had a lot of support around me but in the 6 months to a year afterwards my mother didn't cope at all and I felt like all the emotions that our house could hold were taken up by her. I had to become 'strong' for her and this is what I think caused my Alexithymia. Anyway, since then, I've not really felt anything particularly strongly- except maybe frustration and stress. I still use emotional language (eg. just then when I used 'felt') and mostly react appropriately in day-to-day situations but I have extreme difficulty in identifying what I'm feeling. Alexithymia has only really become a problem and noticeable for me and others when I get into a situation that I never found myself in before my dad died (ie when I did feel emotions normally). For example, relationships and romance. I don't really feel attracted to anyone and don't feel guilty when I lead someone on or sleep with them and just expect normal friendship afterwards. This has caused a lot of problems as I just don't care for relationships but still want sex. I find it frustrating that people can't be upfront and honest in relationships and that I also can't be blunt and honest with people because I am scared that they will react emotionally. I also struggle knowing what to do when someone is going through grief or problems. I often want to shout 'just get over it!' but I know that that is inappropriate. I also tend to attract other peoples problems because I can and do stay calm and rational when they tell me their emotional stories. I think this is what I find most difficult to deal with and it makes me stressed and overwhelmed.

Sorry if this is an inappropriate section to post this in, the title of 'fake it so you don't lose them' just resonated with me and caused a bit of a ramble.

" I don't really feel attracted to anyone and don't feel guilty when I lead someone on or sleep with them and just expect normal friendship afterwards. This has caused a lot of problems as I just don't care for relationships but still want sex. I find it frustrating that people can't be upfront and honest in relationships and that I also can't be blunt and honest with people because I am scared that they will react emotionally." < completely me, but as I am a female i 'shouldn't' announce that haha.... Steady relationships are hard when you don't feel or show emotions.... but i dont want a relationship haha. They also confuse me greatly...

Well I have gotten over the people who want me to be emotional or react emotionally.
I am me, although i may not "feel", "express", "take into consideration", feelings of myself and others, but I can still laugh, talk, and have a good time. If that isn't enough then oh well. I may feel the awkwardness of not seeing or talking to my "best friend" any more but i know i dont actually feel guilty for "ruining the friendship". I am simply like meh.. it was fun while it lasted.

I would recommend NEVER faking emotions to others. I am someone who feels things deeply, and am interested in Alexithymia because I fell for someone who I now think had it.

Twenty one years ago I told a particular (and very unusual) man the intense desire I had for him, and asked him to tell him how he felt. He responded by acting like he didn't know me. He later did get together with me again but said he didn't want a relationship. I had no idea why, and when I asked later he just shrugged.

This year he was dying in hospital. When I talked with him, he said he "didn't feel much and was always like that." He said very little in our interactions, but said my visiting and phoning him in hospital was "good". I was clear to me that if he told me he didn't feel much in general all those years ago, I could have tried different approaches to communicating with him and we probably could have been together all that time, without me pressuring him about feelings, but spending time together in a way we both liked.

I would recomend telling the people you hang out with about Alexithymia. Many people with Asperger's Syndrome have found sharing the information about that syndrome helps other people understand them, and they stop getting mad, or upset when they act differently. The other people only take things personally because they don't know that you experience things differently to what they are used to. Just as I would not demand a blind person to describe something visual, I would not demand someone with Alexithymia to understand how I would react to them emotionally. It's OTHER'S UNDERSTANDING that needs to be changed, not your reaction.

(P.S. Some people with Alexithymia also have Aspergers and is worth looking into for some people in this forum).

Luckily I realized that I didn't have emotions or care like others when I was young, so I've had plenty of practice faking it, and most people don't realize anything. Since it gets tired, I've made sure my friends and family at least realize that I definitely don't feel like everyone else, but they still think I have at least a little bit of emotions, even though I don't.

It gets exhausting, but I don't want what happened to OP to happen to me. Even though I can go months without seeing someone and still not miss them, I think that if I never saw my best friend (since I was 3) again I might actually feel upset.

Faking emotions is likely necessary to succeed in society.

Or get told that you need to think before you speak and take other peoples emotions into consideration?

I got told that all the time by my mom. "THink of how other people might feel before you say stuff." But then, SHE thinks she can say anything she wants and not have to "think" before saying something that upsets me. Oh yeah. I'm not "supposed" to get upset at anything she says, again with the "Telling me how to feel."

Or get told that you need to think before you speak and take other peoples emotions into consideration?

This is what I used to get from my ex the entire time. It was not that I am such a thoughtless and emotionally clueless person, it is that he thinks he is the centre of the universe. As DXS said about his mother, my Ex was happy enough to say anything he liked to me and not care about my feelings.

I scored 121 on the questionnaire. I tend to think of myself as a mature person who can manage my emotions better than most people. Not an unfeeling heartless person that doesn't care. I care a lot, it just takes me longer than average to work out how others might react.

In second grade to fourth grade, I had a "best friend." The best friend moved away after fourth grade, dad got a new job. This hit me hard. It's the only time I ever "missed" someone. But as I have said in other posts, I "miss" my pets when they are in a vet's office overnight. I just don't feel the "missing someone" feeling for humans.

When it comes to romantic relationships, I don't really "miss" the other person as much as I am wondering if they are "doing something I don't like," thusly I feel a "need" to be around them.

I have given up on relationships for this reason.

http://www.alexithymia.us/forum_Emotional+Overload..html?topicid=440&pageid=

You should see the page above.
So far, I only feel so close to GOD and no one else.

This can be emotionally overload too.
I was 12 when I lost my dad suddenly.

Maybe yours is another overload.
In second grade to fourth grade, I had a "best friend." The best friend moved away after fourth grade, dad got a new job. This hit me hard. It's the only time I ever "missed" someone.

If you think yours is emotionally overload or at any time you love some one too much and then leave from him/her, see the page above.

I've been faking my emotions for years. I keep getting told to "express how I feel" but how can I do that when I don't feel anything? I keep getting told I'm cold and heartless, so I try to act happy, even though I'm not sure what happiness feels like. Since I've been faking emotions for so long, it's almost become a habit.

I had the same problem, everything I said was negative. I'm extremely sarcastic, but I don't see how sarcasm is negative or hurting other people. Over the years, I became very quiet, unfortunately a little too quiet. My friends don't even notice I'm there anymore, and I seem to be forgotten on a daily basis.