≡ Topic: My personal experience which needs an answer

My personal experience which needs an answer
30.11.2013 by Heythere

Hey there people. I'm a young guy from somewhere around the world and my research on my problems led me here.

well, I really don't know that I have this alexithymia, although the test gave me about 120 which was considered alexithymia.

My problem started off like in 5 or 6 years ago. back then when I listened to a piece of music it'd pour me with emotions, sad or happy. I would play simple games and feel wondered and brilliant. not to mention the movies and animations I watched repeatedly at a daily basis but again they would make me feel a lot of emotions. and the bad thing started to happen. I started to feel that I am receiving less emotions from everything around. at that time I thought it may be an occasional thought due to some difficulties, but hell it continued, and does continue. how would you FEEL if you saw your emotions are shrinking and diminishing in front of your eyes? it's been happening since 6 years ago.
I actually feel very happy or sad or cry on occasions but these are just physical appearances of my very tiny or not-there feelings generated by my subconscious.
It's been much worse lately, since I see it as a cup or bowl which the water is vaporizing little by little, and for the past year I felt everyday like I have NO emotions and like a month later I realize I have even less. ultimately completely not feeling a thing with experiences which made me explode with emotions in the past.

The other thing that may have caused the faster developing of whatever my problem is,is being alone. I used to have friends but they are not around now. and every time I tried to open up with someone, they just answered with harsh reactions, which may have been because of the unorthodox way I approached them, I was a stupid kid back then after all. and the lately platonic relation with a girl who actually understood me shattered when she told me she has a tumor in her head and must go away for medical attention.
so basically I'm screwed many times.I have come to believe that if my loneliness ends I would feel again, if there was someone who could fill my bowl again, even just a bit. that remains to be seen...

PLS tell me if anyone has similar experiences, tell me. so at least I know I'm not the only one in the world and I'm not going crazy.
sry for not being brief.

Sounds like depression
18.12.2013 by JOZeldenrust

Hi Heythere,

I'm not sure how appropriate it is to use my first post on this forum to respond to someone, but if it is inappropriate I'm fairly sure this community will forgive me. I'll write a proper introduction later.

What you're describing sounds to me like a depression, and if it really is that, it may be a serious problem. See your GP or a psychologist/psychiatrist about it.

You mentioned the girl with a tumor. Go visit her. Even if it doesn't make you feel anything, it'll remind her that people haven't forgotten her, and she's not a pariah just because she has cancer. Being seriously ill can be very lonely, and you're in a position to alleviate that loneliness somewhat. It might not make you feel better, but it certainly won't make you feel worse.

Also, make sure you get moderate but regular exercise. It's hard to muster the energy when you're so emotionally barren, but it does wonders for your neurochemistry.

Here's hoping you'll feel again soon.

Thanks JOZeldenrust
18.12.2013 by Heythere

Thank you for your attention man.

about visiting the girl, it's physically impossible since she's far away. but I've tried to contact her. waiting for the response.

I've had the idea of exercizing in mind for a while, since I used to be a wrestler and real athletic too.

thanks again.