Topic: need help!!

i smiled when i see this. now that im vasting in your pain but the fact someone feels the way i feel and not im alone. i often ask myself can i fall in love or is anxiety. i get it

Hi,

I wanted to answer the original poster's question with an anecdote.

My husband doesn't have an official alexthymia diagnosis, but he has always struggled to describe to me how he feels. We were married for 11 years (we divorced in September, sadly), but I know that for the first few years, he did love me. He loved me deeply. He just really struggled to express it in ways that I could understand.

I know that he loved me because he stood by me when I was at my worst. He put up with my anxiety-induced irritability, and my tantrums. He loved me enough to go to marriage counseling with me and he loved me enough to try to be a better person. He was always a lot more comfortable with writing things down and discussing things through text, and he was able to write me a letter one year expressing to me just how much I meant to him. So, even though he often struggled to tell me how he felt, I know he loved me.

I truly believe that it is possible for people who have alexthymia to fall in love. You struggle to identify your emotions, that doesn't mean you don't have emotions.

If this is something that you are concerned about, I want to urge you to go see a counselor. Please, don't be like my ex-husband. Don't throw away your chance at a happy, fulfilling relationship, because you are scared, or you think that you can't be helped.

One thing I have learned in my search for answers is that Alexthymia very often presents as a "comorbid" condition to Autism Spectrum Disorder. Being Autistic is nothing to be ashamed of, and it doesn't mean you are stupid. It just means that you struggle in social situations, and that is totally ok. How to behave in social situations is something that is taught. It can be learned! It's just more difficult for those with ASD.

And, sometimes it takes time to find the right counselor. Make sure you advocate for yourself and ask for a different one if you think the one you were matched with doesn't get you. I've had to do that quite a few times over the last few months. It really sucks, but there is hope. Once you find the right one, it will be like doors you never even knew were there are opened, and you will having a better understanding of yourself and the world around you.

A lot of places will have free or low cost counseling clinics. Maybe see if there is an organization near you that specializes in helping people with emotional processing disorders.

If you are under 18, see if there is a local clinic that provides counseling to youth. If you are a senior, check with your local senior center. There are always options. Sometimes it just takes a lot of work to find them.

I believe in you and in your potential.

I actually have the same situation
ad you User76365H64

My boyfriend doesnt have medical diagnostic yet but we know 100% now that he has alexithymia.

At the beginning he had no clue of what was happening to him and went to pschology and they suggested deppresion pills. So he said fuck it this is not what i have.

Anyways i did the homework on my own based on his behaviour and body language and the way he expressed himself to me, i came across with a name. So now things are little better because im fully aware of whats going on.

So my question is. How a person in this situation would like to be treated ( what words should i say and shouldnt say and things like that. There is no much education about this here specially with couples. And i just want to give him quiality time and treat him how he deserved to be treated.

Any advise or comment would be highly appreciated.

And for you User26983E79, u do have emotions and feelings, you just dont feel in the intensity as most people do (which is a blessing most of the time cuz feelings and emotions hurt and make you act stupid as f lol) and you dont have the "language " to express your feelings. So dont be afraid of looking for psychology or talk about it with friends and families (make sure before going there to ask if they know about alexithymia so you know they are familiar with that and can help you). When people care will listen to you. And will do their best to understand what is happening and will look for ways to help you too.

As am example, here im trying to get as much information to be able to help my boyfriend.

In my experience, love has been based more on friend-like relationships and intellectual connection. The emotions are there, as is 'caring' about others -- its just more deep-rooted and harder to express/recognize, at least in ways others understand.
A healthy and loving relationship is extremely possible -- it just might not be expressed in the ways you see in romance movies and such

User 26983E79, I can relate to that. Fears of this kind are all too common when you are on the autism spectrum. and trying to deal with people who aren't. And, good God, it hurts. It s*cks, and it drains the pleasure out of any social interaction. I know it's late, but how can I help?