Marriage and alexothymia
13.11.2018 by ChadYToo late, but I realized all or at least most of the problems in my marriage were me misunderstanding obvious communication from my partner. I couldn't understand the non verbal cues (or even the verbal ones) so I assumed the anger and frustration were because of hate and didn't have a real source. Now I realize (too late) that my partner was reasonable, beyond reasonable, and I just was too full of myself to think it was my deficient understanding. Hope someone reads this before it's too late and it helps.
I've never been married, nor wished to be, but with hindsight I am aware that one long term relationship that I was in broke up for much the same reasons as you have described. I was far too concerned with my own thoughts, wishes and 'feelings' to pay the requisite attention to those of my partner. Whether that was due to alexithymia, autism or a combination of both I have no idea.
Don't be too hard on yourselves because a lot of relationships break down because of this - even when both people are neurotypical.
Nowadays people are very inward thinking and very focused on themselves.
I don't know about the OP but I'm not hard on myself at all with regard to past relationship breakdowns. They're in the past, they no longer have any relevance to me. I was simply making an observation, with the benefit of hindsight.
02.02.2019 by Tracy_Lehane
I may have The same issue...but I think he would just use it against me somehow. Like justifying his reactions to me because of it...yelling and being a dick isn't ok even if I'm being a pain in the ass?? Right???
@Tracy_Lehane I absolutely agree with you. I just got out of a 4-yr long relationship where I realized I had these emotional blockages that were ruining my relationship and sexual connection with my partner. When I brought this up to him, he thought I was using it as an excuse rather than asking for help, andnhe used all my vulnerabilities against me.
It's been a year since that relationship ended, and I've deduced that he was/is an emotional bully. I would imagine if someone came to me and told me they had a deficit, especially my partner whom I decided to life the rest of my life with, I would do everything I could to tackle the issue together instead of throw it in their face. That's the worst and last thing to be done. I feel for you @Tracy_Lehane, and others that have experienced this sort of treatment. And I hope you have the courage to leave that relationship for good ?
